After being in the wedding photography business for 5 years, I have had time to reflect on what works and what doesn't work at weddings and I'm ready to share some of those tips with all of you!
Weddings are beautiful. They'e special, intimate, dynamic, romantic, hilarious and memorable. But they're also stressful, expensive, and physically exhausting. If you're planning a wedding or you know someone who is, these small tips can save friendships, family relationships, your pocketbook, and your sanity.
For my first wedding saver post, we'll talk about the first thing you do when you get started. Your GUEST LIST.
Tip #1: The smaller your wedding, the better.
Not only are small weddings more intimate, but you can spend more time and money on quality over quantity. Tally up the cost of everything at your wedding - your dress, the venue, the food, music, photography, cake, hair, make-up, everything, and divide it by the number of guests at your wedding. If you wouldn't buy that person a gift of that denomination, do not invite them to your wedding. Have a BBQ at a later date and tell them how much they mean to you. Do not buy them a five course meal. If would would spend that much on them normally, put them on your list.
Tip#2: Give your parents one to two free slots to invite whomever they like depending on the size of your wedding.
It gives them a boundary to work within, and it allows them to fulfill any social obligations they may have to return a similar favour to their friends. But don't let them get carried away. My mom tried to invite the pharmacist. Granted, we've know her for years and I adore her, but that's clearly someone you want to send a card to with your love if they buy you a gift.
Tip#3: If they've never met your spouse, they should be relegated to the B-list or not invited at all, except in special circumstances.
Exceptions can be: They're from out of town but they're your favourite Aunty, or your best friend since you were three but you moved out of country. That kind of thing. Guests at your wedding are there to celebrate your union to your spouse. If they don't know your spouse, it means less than you think. There are exceptions, however. I invited a man I knew for a short period of time, but who had a profound influence on me when I was young. Not only did my husband come to love him as much as I do, but he died later that year. It means so much that we got to reconnect after all those years before he passed.
Tip#4: Only invite those you really love to your wedding. DO NOT invite anyone you intensely dislike.
Your ceremony is not just about you and your spouse dedicating your lives to one another, it's also about your guests being witnesses to your union. Being a witness means you are a participant, and as such are to be held accountable if your marriage is ailing. They are people you can call on for advice, for help to strengthen your marriage when it is weak. If they do not have your marriage as a good thing in their heart, they will not be there to support you when you need it. It's bad energy on a day when what you really need is everyone's positive energy. Weddings are easy in comparison to marriage, so make your list count for something more than expensive blenders.
Tip#5: Have a B-list.
People you would never expect to be unavailable for your wedding will be busy or out of town. Have a B-list ready so you can invite those friends you really want there but have no room for yet. About 25% of your invited guests will not be able to attend, so having a secondary list prepared will be really useful in case spots free up. Your venue will always dictate how many guests you have, so keep that in mind. It's also useful for family trying to invite others without your permission - it keeps them in check because there's simply no room.
These are just 5 useful things to keep in mind about your guest list. It's really important to remember that if you're shy, the more people you have at your wedding the more uncomfortable you're going to be saying the most intimate words of your life. Big weddings have their place, but many people are just there for the food. They're not interested in your speeches, slide show, or first dance. They want to get their drink on and dance to "Billy Jean". If you're okay with that, then by all means. =)
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